The American Dream

I had always heard from my uncles stories of successful Bangal’s in America. Bengal’s who owned chains of convenient stores and drove taxis. It was my pursuit for a better life that led me to America.

  

I had just stepped out of the plane; the fresh airport smell hit me like a gust of wind. It smelled different…different than the raw sewage stench I had grown to love in India. Maybe coming to America wasn’t such a good idea.

I made my way through the boarding bridge and went directly to customs. I stood in line for what seemed like an eternity, but when I looked at my watch only to realize five minutes had passed.

The man in front of me finished his verification and I stood in line until they called “next”. I stepped up to the customs officer and presented my passport. The woman opened my passport, looked at me, and said “Apu Nahasanamama?”, “It’s Nahasapeemapetilon” I said back. Immediately the woman reached for her radio, and said “code 911”, next thing I knew I was surrounded by the security.

I was escorted by security to a secluded room. After extensive questioning, background checks, and full body cavity searches, I was allowed to leave the airport.

I stepped out the main gates of the airport and looked at my watch. I was already an hour late for my first shift at the Kwik E-Mart. I thought to myself that I would surely get fired for my incompetence. Without wasting another minute, I called a cab and headed for the Kwik E-Mart. The whole cab ride I looked at the cab driver with envy as he was living the dream life, the life I wished to lead.

Once the cab arrived at the Kwik E-Mart, I reached for my wallet but could not find it so I opened the cab door and started to run towards the Kwik E-Mart. As I approached the automated door, it opened and I ran inside. I was surprised with the barrel of a pistol pointed at my chest and my cousin Sanjay was behind the register with his hands in the air. Without spending a moment, the man told me to get on the ground. I had no desire to get shot so I did as he said.

I lay on the ground with my head down; my life flashed before my eyes and I realized all the opportunities I missed in life.

I looked up to see what the robber was doing and before I knew it, the door made the familiar “ding ding”. I looked over and there stood the cab driver with a shotgun. “Alright this is the last time you punks get away without paying me!” said the cab driver and then boom! Next thing I knew the robber was on the ground grabbing his groin. I stood up and thanked the taxi driver and explained to him all that happened. The taxi driver then said “so you didn’t call the police yet?”, “No” said Sanjay from behind the register. The taxi driver then looked at me in silence, raised his gun, and said “give me everything from the cash register”. With the gun pointed at my face, I realized America was not as glorious as the stories made it out to be.  

Letter to Doc Brown

20 Evergreen Terrace

Springfield, FL 90210

October 24^th, 2014

Mr. Emmett Brown

President, Mad Scientists Incorporated

1 Future Street

Hill Valley, CA

Dear Mr. Brown:

I am the man who bought the Delorean from Back to the Future at last week’s auction. I am writing this letter to inform you that the flux capacitor for the vehicle is missing. I received the vehicle without the flux capacitor, and I demand a replacement.

If I do not have the flux capacitor, I will not be able to time travel. My main reason for purchasing this vehicle was to go back in time and publish Microsoft Windows before Bill Gates so that I, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, could become the richest person in the world. Without the flux capacitor the vehicle is not able to serve its purpose, and I demand either a new flux capacitor or reimbursement.

I have always been a loyal customer to Mad Scientists Incorporated. Last year I purchased the hover boards and was very pleased with your product and service. I am interested in purchasing the x-ray glasses in future, and I hope to hear from you about replacement of my flux capacitor.

Sincerely,

Supreme Leader of North Korea Found in USA

Earlier today the CIA apprehended a man impersonating as The President of the United States. The man looked identical to Barack Obama which may have allowed him to get past all security measures in the White House. The man carried on his act for three hours until the secret service started to become suspicious. Soon after the man was apprehended and identified as none other than Kim Jong Un.

The secret service revealed that the man was very convincing in his portrayal as Barack Obama and had everyone fooled from Obama’s facial features to his style of speech. The secret service started to become suspicious of the president when he requested to see America’s defenses against a North Korean invasion. The President’s request was rejected by vice president Joe Biden who believed that there were far more pressing matters at hand than a silly North Korean invasion. It was at this point the President became furious and called Joe Biden “A western capitalist pig”, and spit on his face. Biden retaliated by slapping the president and to his surprise saw that his hand had suddenly become darker and the president’s face suddenly became brighter. Joe Biden called the secret service immediately to restrain the President.  

After identifying him as an imposter, the secret service quickly restrained him, and it was revealed that through the use of high quality make up Un was able to impersonate Obama accurately. Un supposedly hired the same makeup artist from Tropic Thunder, a movie which won an Oscar for exceptional makeup, so he could look as similar to Obama as possible. He also took vocal lessons so that he could impersonate Obama’s vocal style exactly.

Robert Downey (right) was unrecognisable on Tropic Thunder (left) due to the makeup

After several hours of questioning Kim Jong Un revealed Barack Obama’s location. The President was found in the Presidential bathroom nude and tied up. He was unharmed and revealed that he was knocked out when he entered the bathroom. Reports surfaced last week that the North Korean leader has not made any public appearances for more than a month leading to speculation that he is either seriously sick or there is a coupe but the reality is he has been in USA all along. As of this afternoon Kim Jong Un is being transferred to a high security prison in the middle of the desert. The President hopes to reach a deal with North Korea for the safe return of Kim Jong Un.

The King Of All Kings

Hello everyone!

This is week five of my English blog. For this week my professor wanted us to write a concrete poem. A concrete poem is a poem where the words are shaped like an image. This form of poetry helps to visually convey the message of the poem. Here is my concrete poem called "The King Of All Kings". I hope you all like the theme of the poem.  

-Apu